so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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