Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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