my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i used baking grease as lip gloss
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
