I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
