Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
They took my balls.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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