So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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