mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
