So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
