Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
