You smell like a Billy Joel song
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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