You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
