im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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