i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
