porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize