Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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