I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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