Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
