Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
