So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
