True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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