so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Randomize
