The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
