No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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