singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
