I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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