Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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