i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
