when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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