I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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