You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
