6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
3 2 1 whiskey
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
