That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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