Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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