ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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