Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
