Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
