I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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