A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He felt like a one man threesome
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
