I want to make a zoo with you.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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