The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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