youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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