my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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