get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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