Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
