I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
