i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
