I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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