I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
