Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
