My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
