Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
