dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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