I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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