Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All the doctor said was why
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
