Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize