so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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