Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
