she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I forget how to act sober
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
