How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
