By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
