His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
