i wish semen tasted like chocolate
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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