I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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