I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Randomize
