Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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