He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
