Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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