True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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